Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Less than a Week

To whoever reads this:

I know that it has been a long time since I have posted anything new. If my calender is correct, it's been something like FOREVER, but that's about to change. Actually, by the time that you read this, it will have already changed. Because you're reading something new. That I wrote. Obviously.

So, what's up with the title? Less than a week? Peter, what the heck does that mean? Less than a week until you grow up? until the rapture occurs? until Christmas? until your dad is officially older than dirt? All of these guesses are flat out wrong, because it is less than a week until school is done! Well, actually it'll be all done except for finals, but that is a mere technicality. It'll be close enough to finished.

So, I know the question on everyone's mind: has anything hilarious happened to me lately? something that you can relieve stress by laughing at? The answer to that question is "Of course!" Now it's just a matter of picking which topic to blog about. (yelch. I hate the word blog. I think that they might have unwholesome origins. See my previous posts for more details) How about Halloween? That seems like a descent topic even if the holiday is long past.

So for Air Force Lead Lab the Thursday before Halloween, the cadets were supposed to dress up. Now usually I'm not a huge fan of dressing up, but it was either that or wear my uniform, such as it is, so dressing up it was. I decided to go as Blade, a vampire slayer from a movie (not real life, obviously. Everyone knows that really vampires glitter in the sun and pretty much can't be killed. [Insert hysterical laughing] I'm being sarcastic of course. Real vampires can be killed or you would have seen a lot more of them)  Anyway, the costume wasn't very good  and, in fact, consisted entirely of things that I already had hanging in my closet. One of these things was a trench coat because obviously you can't slay vampires without one of them.
As I mentioned previously, the costume wasn't really all that great. It would have been better but I couldn't wear my punch spikes, wooden stakes, or sword since the campus police tend to think of them as weapons. Anyway, no one could correctly identify me, and the most common guess was that I was Neo from the Matrix. After a while I just started telling people that when they asked. It saved me the trouble to explaining who the heck Blade was!

There was another thing that happened to me that was hilarious. So I have a teacher that, well, let's say that he's visually challenged. We've maintained since the beginning of the semester that he can't actually see any of the students. He'll just ask a question in the direction that thinks the students are and hope that someone answers. When he writes on the blackboard, it's even funnier. He's forever squinting and peering at it as he's writing. One time, he got turned ninety degrees, and for the last half of class was asking questions to one wall and writing all over the other one with chalk. It was pretty dang hilarious.
Anyway, one of the students who sits on the front row decided to test his visual acuity one time and set up his coat in the front desk and propped a basketball on top. The teacher walked in and began to teach. His eyesight is so bad that it took him close to half a minute to recognized that there were too many students in his class. Apparently he didn't recognize Basketball Head because he singled him out to ask if he was in the wrong room. Of course, the basketball didn't answer and the teacher reached out toward him. Now, his depth perception is terrible given that he can't see and he smacked Basketball Head right in the face and sent his head rolling across the floor. The poor teacher actually thought that he had knocked a student's head off! It was hilarious! Would have been even more funny had it been a real event not just a completely made up one.

So, I really should get back to studying. Tune back in before Christmas and you'll see my special Christmas post.

Peter Last

P.S. A post or two ago I said that putting on a uniform makes me feel awesome which is true. I would like to note, however, that wearing the Honor Guard uniform makes me feel even better and that strapping a sword onto the uniform is the most amazing feeling of all. I've never felt so Bravo Alpha in all my life!

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