Thursday, June 09, 2011

You'll Never Believe This

To whoever reads this:

The US government is concerned with a lot of things for our safety. The CDC is dedicated to making sure that we, as Americans, know how to prepare for and what to do in case of emergencies. These emergencies could include hurricanes, pandemics, earthquakes, and one other that you probably won't guess. The CDC's website now has an official page concerning, that's right, ZOMBIES!


Apparently zombies are officially a threat to us, and the government wants to make sure that we stay safe if they ever do attack. But let's be honest with ourselves. Zombies are the living dead, so if we have to worry about them in America, it will just be dead Americans. For them to be a problem, they'd have to catch me which means that they would have to run (which is exercise) There's no reason to assume that when they're dead they'll do something that they never did while they were alive.

As it turns out, the CDC's page on the "Zombie Apocalypse" is actually kind of useless in someways. Their plans for evacuation and such seem to be almost exact replicas of their other evacuation plans. Also, their emergency kit has no weapons of any kind in it, that is, unless you're supposed to whack the zombies with your gas mask. I would have expected a shotgun, but that's only because I actually want to survive the thing.

So the government has put out plans for how to best survive such an apocalypse, and yet important parts seem to be missing for it. Is that just a mistake or is there a reason for it? Consider that the government has largely turned into an entity that cares more about itself than the people it governs. Wouldn't zombies be so much easier to rule if you could figure out a way to control them? Give them enough brains and they wouldn't even complain about high taxes.

But seriously though, doesn't our government and its agencies have better things to do with their time than make plans for things that will never ever occur? Instead they could make plans for a party when Elvis comes back. Or spend money on a communication system for talking to aliens. Or even make a plan for combating vampires. Let me know what you think either here or on my facebook page. I know that none of you will so this is a futile request, but hey, it was worth a try.

The End

1 comment:

  1. Actually, I read a news story about this the other day. The reason they came up with a "zombie response plan" and the reason it sounds like a carbon copy of hurricane/flood/nuclear accident-response plan is that it IS the same plan. They figured people would get more excited and pay more attention to a zombie disaster plan than a flood disaster plan. And maybe they would remember some of it.

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