Wednesday, March 23, 2011

This is Me with Writer's Block

To whoever reads this:

I know that none of you actually want to hear about my life, but for anyone who reads this blog on a regular basis (and according to my statistics at least a few people do) I feel that you deserve an apology and explanation for my lack of publications in the past two weeks. A week ago I blamed this on the pre-Spring Break crunch. Heck, right now I can blame it on my sadistic teacher who decided to have a physics test the first Friday back from break. You can imagine that rushing to study all of the material is taking a lot of my time.

All excuses aside, however, and the truth comes out: I have a horrendous case of writer's block. I haven't been able to write anything very good in several weeks now. I keep looking at anything, everything in sight, hoping that the muses will descend, but to no avail. I considered ranting about the apparent consensus among smokers on campus to smoke right below the balcony where my friend and I like to do homework. The balcony itself is very nice being out of direct sunlight (so that it's not too hot and we can actually see our computer screens) as well as being a smoking free zone. Unfortunately the sidewalk that the balcony looks out over is distinctly a smoking zone. I think that I'm allergic to cigarette smoke because my nose gets stuffed and my eyes get itchy whenever I smell even a whiff of it.

I've also considered ranting about how my school gives tours of campus and every time that one passes where I usually eat lunch, I feel like I'm a zoo animal on display. I mean, I seriously want to leap up onto the table, tear my shirt off, and pound on my chest like a gorilla. I figure that if they took the time to go on the lengthly and very boring tour, I should at least give them a small amount of entertainment. Now to be honest, I will probably never do what I just described, but I am a little perturbed about the campus being treated like a tourist trap. I'm sick and tired of it being pitched to visitors by the tour guides who, quite frankly, make it sound much better than it actually is. (Let's be honest. If you aren't getting a degree in a pathetic major and you're halfway committed to getting good grades, you'll never have time to actually go to their "game room" with the xbox and other gaming systems)

So what do I intend to do about the commercialization of my college campus? I could go talk to someone in charge and express my concerns. It would go something like,

"Hello Mr. Dude who is committed to getting as many unsuspecting souls as possible to come to this University in order to justify its existence (even though it doesn't need to do so). I'm concerned that the constant tours are detracting from my ability and the abilities of others to get a proper college education. Perhaps you would consider stopping them or at least limiting them in an effort to increase academic success?"

To which the response would probably be (since I attend an SEC school),

"And this hurts our football program how?" quickly followed by, "What exactly is academics anyway?"

For obvious reasons, this idea wouldn't work, so by enlisting the help of others as well as by using my own brain I have come up with a few ways to decrease interest in school tours.
1. A flash mob. Literally. I want to get about thirty people with flash cameras to sit at a group of tables where the tours usually stop and, just as the tour guide begins their little talk, all of us talk pictures (with the flash on of course) of the tour group until they leave.
2. Enter a tour group (possibly with an accomplice) and ask embarrassing questions.
Me (raise my hand): How many bars that don't card you are their within walking distance of campus? Accomplice: Ooo! I can tell you how many and where they are too!
3. Stand with four or five people in a group where tours tend to stop and, just as one stops, begin to talk in loud voices about how one of your friends was beaten and stabbed to death last night. One of my friends also suggested spilling BBQ sauce on the ground outside as a visual effect.

(Cough) I just so happens to be writing this on the porch that I described earlier and someone is smoking down below. It's times like this that I wish that I owned a water balloon launcher. I mean, they're smoking: How am I to know that they aren't on fire?

Anyway, I just thought that I would explain why I haven't had any new posts in a while. Hopefully my writer's block will break soon, and I'll be able to write again. Until then, please leave feedback for me. If you hated this post, tell me. I won't care, plus it's anonymous (I think). Oh, and for those of you new to blogs, and for those of you who are confused, and for those of you who are too stupid to understand (makes me wonder why I'm addressing you since you'll still not understand after you read this) feedback can be left by clicking on the small blue words "Backtalk" at the end of this post. You can also very easily leave feedback by selecting one of the three "hotness factor" boxes at the end of the post. For those who need this scale explained (and yes I worry greatly about you) "Angelina Jolie" is an "I liked this" vote and "Nancy Pelosi" is an "I hated this" vote.

Thank you once again for reading my blog. As I said before, I appreciate any feedback that you have to give.

Sincerely,
Peter Last

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